A coming out letter

My name will forever be Sam. That’s one thing that wont change. But what dose change over time is a one’s self discovery journey. Some it may change who they are or how they ask themselves big questions like, who am i. The start of that self discovery was identifying as transgender. Being trans is different for everyone that why it’s seen as a spectrum. under that same umbrella is another small one called the nonbinary spectrum. That nonbinary spectrum leads to what I’m about to tell you here written for you.

How do i feel?

Some describe to body as a temple, but some hide the mental aspect of that temple. Some hide it so deep the temple priest can never reach it to preach there. My temple is only slowly being seen in the thick fog for that priest. For me this temple is part of seeing who i am. I am still on the trans spectrum as a trans masculine person, but I’m also on the nonbinary spectrum too. I feel as if some days i want the physical aspect of different parts. Some i don’t have. I am trans masculine and gender fluid. For me this means i present more masculine, but some days i want the physical aspects of both boobs and a penis some days. other days i just want the appearance of one or none of those. On days i don’t want boobs, i hide them with a binder. that binder sometimes acts as a bandage for what i want gone from my body.

How long have i felt this way?

 I’ve felt this way forever. I just wasn’t noticing it because i was hiding it, and not asking myself the right things to find it. I do still tell myself rarely “this is all for attention and I’m just faking it.” But I’ve been trying really hard not to and it makes me depressed when i do. I need to be me for my benefit, not hide it and please others. I had the feeling my freshman year something was up with me. As friends would joke around about me being a man. 

Do i want to make changes?

If so what are they?I don’t really want to do many changes. I don’t mind being called a man but i hate being called a woman by any means. I’d like to be referred to with he/him and they/them pronouns.

Thank you for allowing me the time to communicate who i am with you. I hope this gives you some insight to some of the gender fluid community. Not all feel the same as I do. Everyone’s experience is different. This is what it means and feels like for me to be gender fluid.