Open Letter to My Younger Self about Autism and ADHD

Dear Young Me,

I recently read an open letter where someone wrote to their younger self about the ADHD they recently realized that they had. This letter was heartfelt and honest in a way not many people are today, so I decided that it was my turn. Hear this mini-me! You are not broken, there is nothing inherently wrong with you, and the depression and anxiety you are struggling with is real and it did not come out of nowhere. You are dealing with two difficult developmental disorders, Attention Hyperactivity Deficit Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Listen, the perceptions you have of these disorders are incorrect so no need to panic yet. ADHD is most commonly characterized as being a disorder in which young children, usually boys, are hyperactive and aggressive as well as bad at school. This is the perception that was rammed into your abnormally large head until it hurt, but the truth is ADHD is actually a lot more complicated and diverse than most people give it credit for. This disorder has another phenotype called “inattentive type” it is most common in girls but can occur in boys as well. This phenotype of ADHD is characterized by maladaptive daydreaming, a hard time focusing or processing information, fairly extreme forgetfulness, and a higher chance of developing an Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression. We have a combined type, which has even more fun symptoms such as sensory-issues and a higher chance to have other co-occurring conditions. As you can see mini-me the inattentive type symptoms fit us much better than just the hyperactive type symptoms. Just like you, many young people who struggled with inattentive or combined types developed Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder at extremely young ages, most likely due to the shift in environments that comes with switching from elementary to middle school and the hormones that started to course through your young body.

Now is an even harder disorder to accept that you have, ASD or Autism is one of the most mischaracterized disorders in media ever. It is characterized mostly by how it affects the way Autistic people view social norms and the way they make or maintain friendships. That is pretty simple right? Wrong! Only the most extreme cases of Autism get diagnosed in most states due to the misconceptions even the medical community holds about Autism. ASD is an extremely large spectrum, there is high functioning and low functioning, masking symptoms and even different phenotypes that usually affect women. Unfortunately for you the people around you that could have recognized your struggles, such as your parents or teachers, had a very limited view on what Autism was. You love speaking in a language only you know, you get hyper fixated on something and you never let it go. Most importantly you observed others and obsessively watched television so that you would know how to act because it did not come to you naturally, acting “normal” still doesn’t come easy to us to this day. ASD is hard to sum up in a few words but those were some of the highlights from our diagnosis sheet on Autism specifically. This disorder needs to be better understood, and diagnostic criteria should come from not just outwardly observable traits, but the many complicated inner processes that come with being on the spectrum.

I want to tell you something serious after dumping all of that information on you. Just because you have these disorders doesn’t make you broken or wrong. You may have people tell you over and over, “Oh but you seemed so normal!” That doesn’t mean your diagnosis was wrong. It may be hard to make friends that understand your quirks and oddities, even your family may not want to cut you slack because, “You can function just fine.” It’s okay to be upset that people didn’t see this in you, that you have to continue to struggle with depression because no one believes you, or really listens. But you will be alright, you will make it through this difficult period in your life and begin to see who you are past what everyone else defines you by. So, I want to thank you for being so strong and brave that I was able to be here to write this letter to you now. You will be alright, I promise.

-Your Older Self

Good source to learn about ADHD- https://chadd.org/

Good Source to learn about Autism- https://embrace-autism.com/

Letter I was inspired by- https://kesifelton.medium.com/what-i-wish-you-knew-a-letter-to-younger-myself-about-adhd-2378e5d1c23c